Fear Factor...

The amount of food, and the number of Epi Pens

that I take on my trips,

are usually a measure of how anxious

I am feeling before I leave.

For this trip, I took two Epi Pens.

I used one last night.

I am not sure what caused the reaction, but after I took two Benadryl and my lips and face continued to swell, I jabbed myself for the first time in my shaking thigh. I took a quick photo of my face, a photo of the food I'd eaten and the used Epi Pen, and layed back to rest. The adrenelin did not work right away, and I thought maybe I would have to use my second pen. I put it on the bed next to me and focused on slow, steady, calm breathing... while my heart pounded to the rhythm of the clanging gamelons. It was no use seeking help... the effort I would have to exert to find someone to take me anywhere (if there was anywhere to go quickly) would be too much. I suffered a long 30 minutes before I was sure that the reaction was in remission.

The next morning, my right eye and the left side of my lip were still puffy. I will take benadryl for a few more days as my doctor usually prescribes. Why the picture? I really thought that if the Epi Pen did not work, it would be nice for my family to have something to help piece together what happened. I feel vulnerable more than ever. I am tettering on maybe coming home early... if this occurs again, I will for sure.